


so glad you're here.

by schnaf



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, happy 10 year anniversary! ♥, i couldn't stop them from being soft :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2020-12-23 18:14:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21085673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schnaf/pseuds/schnaf
Summary: Dan is travelling through time. - It's 2009 and Dan is on the way to Manchester to meet his crush. It's 2019 and Dan is on his way back to London to be reunited with his boyfriend.





	1. 2009 - absorbed in thought

**Author's Note:**

> I started posting fics exactly ten years ago. (Yes, this is a double ten-year anniversary for me :D) Nevertheless, i feel like a bloody newbie right now. It's my first ever fic about Dan and Phil, also I prefer writing in German – I've only written one English fic before (there was quite an amount of complaining about the confinement of the English language included in the writing process).  
Still, here I am. I know I'm not exactly the first one to write about their first meetup and I debated with myself for a long time if this is what the world needs but... I couldn't get Dan and Phil out of my mind and thinking about October 19th made me sentimental. So here it is, my first try at Phan – I hope I didn't mess it up \o/

The last bit of Dan's trip to Manchester is the worst. (Maybe even the worst time he's had recently?) Yes, he was already excited when he boarded the train – he was excited the night before, he's been excited for this trip since he bought the tickets, basically he's been excited since he decided to visit Phil. But it was a good kind of excitement, anticipation and so on. Now, there's a different kind of excitement.

Doubts. So many doubts and he doesn't know any more what to wish for – should the train ride never end or should it finally be over? Both options seem tempting, both options seem repelling.

Okay, this isn't the worst time he's had recently. A few days ago, it was worse, so much worse. It was when he told his parents he was going to visit Phil – when the situation escalated. And remembering this talk is just another reason why the last bit of his train ride feels so terrible.

Telling them he planned to meet up with a guy a few years older than himself, a guy he met on the internet... Dan knew things could get pretty ugly. And to be honest – it was the main reason why he didn't buy train tickets as soon as Phil proposed they might meet some time. He was so scared of this damn talk but he also knew he couldn't just disappear without explaining where he was going. (Lying to them? Of course he considered it. But lying about Phil felt wrong. Especially because he wouldn't want to lie to them every single time he meets up with Phil – and damn it, he really wants there to be more meet-ups, more 'I want to see you' moments.)  
Well, he was right. It got ugly. His parents weren't exactly enthusiastic.

'You should be making plans for your future.' - The same old story, the same sentence he'd heard over and over since he finished school, since he decided to do the gap year. It was already super annoying when they said it whenever he planned on having some fun, but this time...  
It was so much worse.

Three days, goddammit. As if he was able to 'make some plans for his future' every single day, all day long. He – well, apparently he didn't deserve a break in their eyes, but he needed one, for god's sake.  
Also... He intended to 'make some plans for his future'. As a matter of fact, meeting Phil could do so much more about his future than some random counselling at some random university. Damn, seeing Phil means so much to him, to his future.  
His future would look quite different with a boyfriend up north. His plans would look quite different with a boyfriend up north.

(Oh, if they knew... He's already started making plans for this possibility. Looking up universities up north, picking a major he might like... But he can't finish those plans yet. First, he needs to figure out the thing between Phil and him.)

He couldn't tell them, though. Damn, it would have been so much easier – letting them know he was in love, letting them know he was considering a shared future with the person he was in love with.  
Well, he kind of did. Not intentionally, though. But when they repeated over and over that he was making such a fuss just because of 'some random dude from the internet', he exploded. Fuck, this whole talk made him so incredibly angry – made him angry in a way that made him shake, that made him unable to think clearly any more and when he started mixing up words, when he couldn't even pronounce his thoughts properly any more, he became even angrier.  
And then he said it.

“I love him.”

Of course, he regretted it immediately – for several reasons. Shit, his parents weren't supposed to know, they weren't supposed to know anything that could hint at the fact he might be into guys.  
Also... He didn't want this to be the first time he expressed his feelings for Phil face to face to someone. It was Phil who was supposed to be the first to hear it in person, not just through a computer screen or as a text or in a call.  
(By now, he's a bit more chill about the second reason. After all, it's about saying 'I love you' to Phil – he did this before he let it slip in front of his parents and he can still do it for the first time in person. Knowing he told his parents he's into a guy still feels terrible, though.)

Somehow, Dan managed to distract them from what he'd just said. He still doesn't know how exactly he did it – there were so many words coming out of his mouth and most of them were probably just gibberish but his parents weren't able to bother much about the 'I love him' part. Just like they simply brushed away the fact that it was quite obvious that Phil meant a lot to him.

It wasn't only Phil who they tried to belittle, though – of course, after all, he was the bratty teenager who didn't care about anything in the world. Damn, he just wanted to let them know Phil wasn't a creep who invited younger guys over to exploit them in whatever way – he was so damn proud when he let his parents know Phil just finished his degree. But...  
It was cursed. Not one single thing went his way, not one single argument worked out for him. His parents didn't accept Phil's degree as a sign he was a decent guy. No, instead they used that fact to bash both Dan and Phil just one more time.

'So why does he choose to hang out with a boy who just finished school? Shouldn't he be around people his own age?'  
In hindsight, he should have said 'fuck it' and left at that point. (Okay, maybe he shouldn't have said it aloud, the situation was already tense without it, but... He should have left.) But no, he didn't. And it got even worse.

His dad asked if Phil was gay.

Well, spot-on analysis. Phil actually was into guys – after all, that's one of the reasons why Dan decided to contact him after having watched his videos for quite some time. But guess who wouldn't get to hear that answer? Right – the person who asked the question.  
Dan didn't answer. So his dad just kept on talking.

They were worried. Worried that Phil was gay, worried that Phil might seduce their son.  
(Fuck, that's the plan.)  
And apparently he didn't look as shocked about that revelation as he should have been. (Damn, he actually was shocked. They were onto something, they were on the right path. If they were able to see through their pretentious worries, if they were able to see just how right they were... He'd be busted.) So they drew their own conclusions.

“You know, it might seem like the easiest option especially after breaking up with your girlfriend... It might be easier to consider yourself gay. No troubles with the ladies any more, eh?”

Wow. Throw in a 'it's just a phase' and they had the perfect way of dealing with their son's sexuality. But they were wrong, so wrong, so wrong.

“I'm not gay!”

He wasn't. He isn't. Yes, he's on a train to see a guy he has a massive crush on but that doesn't mean he's gay. (He just can't be gay. It would be like cutting off his own leg willingly. Confirming what everyone who tried to insult him by calling him gay thought about him? He'd rather die.)  
And if he was, he couldn't let his parents know. Just like he couldn't let them know why exactly this trip meant so much to him. It would make everything even more complicated and damn, he just wanted to go visit Phil.

They believed him. Well, he was pretty convincing – he put quite some emphasis on the fact that he isn't gay. But seeing the relief on their faces...  
'Our son is messed up and pretty useless but at least he isn't a homo.'

Well, he was right after all; it was the right decision not to let them know too much about Phil or their relationship. Still, it hurt. For now, they wouldn't be that worried about letting him meet up with Phil, but what would the future look like? What if things with Phil actually worked out? Would he have to keep their relationship a secret?

Fuck, he hates their fake parental care. He hates that they fake being worried about him when the only thing they're worried about is their own image of their son.  
Fake. Fake, fake, fake. Especially because they're worried because of Phil and damn, Phil's the best thing that's happened to him recently. (The best thing that's ever happened to him.) Way better than their fake care.

It was a useless discussion. After all, he'd already bought the tickets before telling his parents about it. Also, nobody was willing to change his point of view, so...  
But it stuck in his head. And it returns now that he's on the train, now that he's already up north, not even half an hour away from Manchester.

What if his parents were right?  
Damn, it would be the worst case scenario, returning home after those three days with Phil, knowing they were right.

Thus, the doubts return.

Was it the right decision to meet with Phil? After all – as long as they haven't met yet, he can enjoy getting along with him so well. But what if they realize they don't know what to say to each other when they meet in person? He can't just take for granted that their friendship will be the same in real life. Maybe they only work when they are at different ends of the country?  
Also... Why should Phil be the one person from the internet worth travelling the whole country because they'll get along that well?

Okay, admittedly, that's his panic speaking. Luckily, Dan has a tiny little bit of rationality left and it tells him that it isn't that odd. Damn, it's Phil - Phil is different from all the other people he's met online. Starting with the fact he didn't watch other people's videos for years before being friends with them - but it's more than that, it's more than 'he's my favourite YouTuber, of course I'll love hanging out with him'.  
No, it's because it's Phil. Even though they officially 'met' just a few months ago, he spent so much time with him. He loves being around him, loves talking to him, loves hearing his opinion...  
He doesn't feel that way about anyone else he knows, be it online or offline.

Still - even if they get along just as well as they did online (Dan still doesn't dare to hope for it)...  
Is it the right thing to do?

Just a few months ago, everything was alright. Damn, he had a girlfriend, he seemed to be just another heterosexual dude. But now, he's meeting up with a guy, hoping they're more than just friends.  
On the one hand, it would be quite nice, finally knowing what's going on. He may be into guys after all but he still doesn't know for sure - meeting Phil might finally solve this mystery.  
But what if he turns out to actually be in love with a man? It's not like this is a completely new possibility - the relationship he already has with Phil points to it, too, but...  
There's still a shot at everything looking different when he meets Phil, when he spends time with him.

Is this what he's hoping for? Does he actually want to be wrong about his feelings for Phil?  
No. But still having a crush on Phil when they hang out in real life means he's into men and...  
He doesn't want that.

He wants Phil, though. And he just can't hate this possibility. Damn, Phil already means so much to him and realizing he wasn't wrong when he fell in love with him just can't feel bad.  
A relationship with a man feels so wrong. But a relationship with Phil is everything he wants.

Those doubts - doubting that he's going to like real life Phil - are rather harmless, though. They only appear when he thinks too much. On the other hand, there's a different kind of doubt - the kind of doubt that isn't located in his brain but rather in his heart. The kind of doubt he could explain away using rationalism but they just don't go away.  
The worry he might not be the reason why the thing between Phil and him won't work out - the worry that it might be Phil.

What if Phil doesn't take their relationship as serious as him? It's pretty easy to be rational about that - Phil seemed to take it super serious. But what if that's just show?  
However... Phil doesn't say 'I love you' just for show. He can't. He isn't that kind of person.

This thought actually helps a bit. Dan can see his smile in the reflection of the window, he knows everyone else on the train passing him can see it, too, but that doesn't matter right now. Thinking back on their Skype call a few nights ago when Phil told him he loved him...  
Shit, he's so in love with him.

What if he isn't good enough for Phil? What if Phil realizes he actually isn't into Dan when they meet? What if Phil realizes he's better than him, that he deserves something better? Even his parents saw this - why should Phil bother hanging out with someone like him?  
His rational side tells him they aren't that different. After all, they're in the same spot right now - they've finished school and university respectively, they both don't know for sure what to do next  
(Apart from meet each other. Because that's the one thing they know for sure.)

After everything that'S already happened between them, Phil is still his crush. And having a crush includes the possibility of failure. Maybe he's wrong, maybe he's chasing after something he can't have.

But if he doesn't try, he'll never know. And he'd rather fail than miss the chance of having a relationship with Phil.

What if Phil thinks he's ugly? Suddenly, Dan becomes aware of all his flaws. Damn, it's Phil – why should he fall in love with some awkward lanky teen?  
Lanky... He looks too tall. Not just tall - he's awkwardly tall. And at the same time... He's gained so much weight recently, at least it feels that way. Is there even anything attractive about him?

"Your eyes are so beautiful."  
"I love your smile."  
"You're so damn pretty, Dan."

Phil's voice in his head, one time so soft, another time really raspy... Dan closes his eyes, he bites his lip. Those damn Skype calls... He didn't doubt his attractiveness when he undressed for Phil in front of the camera.  
Well, Phil didn't let him. His words accompanied Dan's movements and - he felt attractive. He felt that Phil was attracted to him.

Why shouldn't he be when he's right in front of him? HD, no Skype crashes...  
Because he doesn't feel attractive right now. Because - it's not just his looks, it's basically everything about himself that bothers Dan right now. What if he isn't attractive enough in real life, what if he isn't witty enough, what if he's dumb, what if he's annoying, what if he's childish, what if he's not funny, what if he's just that stupid fanboy who stalked Phil until he gave in?  
Damn, he can be different, too. He can be an amazing friend, he can be gorgeous, he can be funny. That's why they're actually friends (more than friends) and not just a YouTuber and a random subscriber.

For one moment, he feels confident again. After all, Phil is no stranger, after all Phil isn't meeting up with him randomly - he has his reasons.  
But what if Dan just can't be the person in real life that Phil got to know online?

Houses are passing by his window. He's arrived in Manchester.  
Just a few minutes left before he exits the train, before he meets Phil for the first time.

Dan still doesn't know how to feel about it.

~*~*~


	2. 2019 - absorbed in thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was sooo sure there would be a new video on the 19th?? I had a quite good way of predicting Phil's uploads the last few times - every time my team sucked, he would post something. My team had a match on the 19th, it was a big opponent.... I thought they'd suck again. Guess what? They didn't. It kinda fits my """theory""" but...  
It wasn't what I expected :D

Being alone on this plane feels kind of strange. Dan is so used to being surrounded by people - there haven't been many moments recently where he was on his own. Just until a few hours ago when he packed his bags, travelled to the airport and got on the plane back to England - all on his own.  
It feels good. Hanging out with his family again was nice but... He needed a break. It's enough for this time.

Dan doesn't want to be alone, though. Yes, he enjoys the silence, he enjoys not having a family member around him (or at least next door) almost every minute – nevertheless, he's looking forward to arriving in London.

When his mother proposed a family holiday a few weeks ago, Dan thought she was kidding. He actually treated it like a joke. Told her it was a nice idea but he could just drop by for one day, no need to leave the country. Well, she wasn't too happy about his reaction - she became quite harsh.

"For so many years, you hid from us. We need to reconnect."

Yeah, turned out she wasn't kidding after all. At least she wasn't that angry at him - she calmed down at once and explained her idea.

"There was a lot going on recently, I feel we missed out on quite a lot. Going on a trip together could help us bond."

Not a bad idea in theory. But it meant leaving Phil behind - his mum made clear it was supposed to be a Howell-only event.  
Still, she was right. And Dan felt like he kind of owed his family this bonding time. Well, he had his reasons for keeping his sexuality a secret for so long, he doesn't feel like he's the main and only culprit here but...  
They got to know another Dan. The Dan who hid behind a wall. It was time they met the real Dan, the one that was hiding from them. (He doesn't feel like that's a completely different person. But it isn't the same person either.)

So he agreed. Two weeks, France, family holiday.

It felt good to finally show them the real Dan. Strange, often awkward and - after some time - exhausting but good. Nevertheless, he packed his bags and went to the airport on his own to travel back home.

Being there without Phil felt so weird. In times like that, he realizes just how much time they spend together. Of course, they aren't glued together, but... Phil is always there. Not always in sight – sometimes he hangs out in a different room, sometimes one of them leaves the house and the other doesn't, sometimes they do some stuff on their own, sometimes they do stuff with other people – but knowing he could just walk over to him, knowing he can just take a break of 'doing stuff on his own' to talk to Phil, knowing he'd just have to wait a bit before Phil returned home...  
The last few days, Phil was in another country. They were separated by thousands of kilometres and the sea. And just waiting a bit until they could see each other again wasn't an option as well.

(Damn, they're so cheesy.)

Phil is an important part of his everyday life. Not having him around... Well, he can survive it. But why should he?  
Why should he deal with missing Phil when he can just book a flight back home?

Being with his family so long while not having Phil around at the same time made him aware of how much he... Well, how much he'd grown up. Of course, his family is still important to him but they're not a part of his everyday life any more. Meeting up with them every now and then is quite nice, especially since he came out to them, but he doesn't need to be around them all the time.  
With Phil, it's different. And somehow it feels like they established their own little family some time ago, just him and Phil. But this family is now closer to him than his 'other' family.  
A strange thought. It crossed his mind several times the last few days, though. And he slowly gets used to it.

It's not just family, it's... home. Well, that's obvious; after all, he moved out of his family home almost ten years ago. Still, this place is special to him - it's different than a friend's home, for example. Nevertheless, it isn't 'home' any more. 'Home' is the place he lives now, of course.  
And it's Phil. Phil is his home - Phil has been his home all along, doesn't matter where they lived. Doesn't matter where Dan lived, actually – he felt at home with Phil so soon, he probably still lived with his parents when that happened. That's another reason why he never felt home in the flat share in Manchester: His home was with Phil.  
Phil is his home. Because he's his happy place, because whenever he's with Phil, he can take a deep breath, he can calm down. Knowing that there's this guy who cares so much about him, who knows how to make him smile, how to make him laugh, how to make him calm down... He doesn't have to do anything specific most of the time, though. Just being with him makes Dan feel...  
Feel at home.

Yep, he's actually getting super cheesy. He's been away for too long... Unbelievable that he planned on staying even longer. Well, it was a good decision to leave early, otherwise he would have annoyed his family even more. No more 'are you texting Phil again? Didn't you send him a photo just a few seconds ago?' for them. Somehow it seemed that especially his little brother seemed to be rather relieved when he left their cottage.  
No, it was nice hanging out with them and he didn't chat with Phil all the time. Nevertheless, he didn't abandon Phil - he just couldn't leave such a big part of his life at home. And he had the impression that his family understood - that they saw how much Phil means to him.  
(Well, his being out helped, too. Finally, he wasn't ignoring them to text his buddy instead any more - it's about his partner.)

Yes, luckily, he and Phil weren't completely out of touch for the last few days. It wasn't the same as being around him all the time and he actually became so sentimental that he changed the background of his phone to the selfie with Norman Phil sent him. And yes, he thought about the captions every time he saw the picture. 'We already miss you' and 'I tried hard, don't judge'. Well, Dan didn't judge him for his result of trying to get a selfie with Norman - after all, the fish is on the picture. And Phil's explanation for him facing away was reasonable.  
'It's a son thing. He's moody because you're not here.'

(Damn, he really misses this idiot.) (Phil, that is - even though he's quite looking forward to seeing his little blue fish again, too.)

He could contact Phil wherever he wanted. (Well, apart from the places with no reception - it wasn't that surprising that he found quite a lot of them in rural France.) Of course, Phil didn't always respond immediately, but being able to reach out to him whenever he felt like it made the distance between them more bearable. Also, seeing a text from Phil on his phone every so often when he picked it up...  
Dan feels so sappy for missing Phil that much, for being so eager on every single little exchange. But seeing that Phil feels the same...  
Two halves of the same idiot.

Oh, and then there were those Skype calls. Big throwback time to 2009, 2010, when they were in a long distance relationship, trying to make the best of it. (Compared to this time, being a few days away from Phil isn't that spectacular. But now that he's gotten used to them being together almost all the time, it feels weird not to have Phil with him.)  
Unfortunately, it wasn't just the need to see Phil, even if just on a screen, or the Skype crashes that reminded him of this time. Talking to Phil in the middle of the night and suddenly hearing footsteps on the hallway... Well, he didn't miss that feeling. And how the hell did he manage to have Skype sex without dying of a heart attack? Young Dan was unabashed.  
... and horny. Probably mostly horny. Doesn't mean older Dan isn't horny but at least he knew he'd be with Phil soon again. In their own apartment, without his family in the rooms next door.  
(Was quite nice, though, to relive those Skype memories.)

Does he depend too much on Phil? Did they become one of those annoying couples that only seem to exist in their relationship?  
Kind of. It doesn't feel annoying, though. (Well, he's kind of biased...) Also, they're still possible to see themselves as separate human beings. Separate human beings that complement each other.

Luckily, this trip wasn't the only time he did something without Phil. And on almost every other occasion, he proved he's actually able to exist even if Phil is more than five metres away from him. Of course, he might talk about him every now and then. (It's partly the fault of the people surrounding him, though. It's kind of normal to ask him questions about Phil.) Of course, he doesn't ignore Phil completely when he's with other people. But it isn't that evident that he likes to spend as much time as possible with Phil.  
This time, it was a bit different. Being away from Phil for several days meant he couldn't just wait a few hours to be reunited with him again. So he had to stay in touch with him.  
(Just like the annoying couple they are. But damn, he deserved this. They deserved this.)

(Well, another reason why he actually kind of avoided Phil on previous stays with his family was that he wasn't out to them yet. Now that they know that Phil is his boyfriend, he doesn't have to worry about being too obvious any more.)

Doesn't matter - all of this doesn't matter. Nobody complains about his behaviour when it comes to Phil and keeping in touch with him (apart from his brother but that was just some normal sibling banter) - not this time, not on the other occasions they've spent apart from each other. And now that he's about to be reunited with him...  
This is another reason why Phil feels like home. Because nobody cares how much time he spends with him - he doesn't need to go back to someone else, he just can be with Phil.

Just a few minutes. Just a few minutes left on the plane - it's already started its final descent. Just a few minutes until he sees Phil again.

Phil picks him up from the airport. Another thing that reminds him of the long-distance part of their relationship - Phil did that from the first day on. Picked him up at the train station, accompanied him when he had to go back home... Even though it meant he had to take the bus to return home afterwards, even though the bus trip took more than half an hour. Phil wanted to be with him as long as possible, Phil wanted to make sure he'd be safe. And there was no reason for Dan to stop it. Damn, it felt so good, seeing how much he cared about him, seeing how much effort Phil put into being with him. Just to wave him goodbye at the train station...  
Maybe 2009 Dan and Phil were even sappier than 2019 Dan and Phil.  
(He still loves this ritual, though. And apparently, Phil does so, too.)

Dan thinks back even further, before they actually started their long-distance relationship. (Or were they already a couple back then? They weren't sure and damn, they were so insecure...)  
He still remembers his first trip visiting Phil. So nervous, so worried... Asking himself if he did the right thing, if he actually wanted to be with a man, if he actually wanted to be with Phil, if Phil actually wanted to be with him.

Oh, poor 2009 Dan. No need to worry. You'll still be stuck with that guy ten years later.

Dan leans back, he closes his eyes. Just a few more minutes... He feels like he's swallowed a spoonful of warm honey. The warmth spreads inside of him, he can't keep from smiling. (Everyone who looks over at him can see his cheesy smile. But Dan couldn't care less.)  
Damn, he still gets butterflies in his stomach. They've been in a relationship for almost ten years and still, he gets excited and fuzzy on the prospect of getting reunited with Phil.

He isn't the only one, though. And knowing Phil is just as jittery as him... Oh, he can easily imagine him right now. Standing in front of the gate because he is the punctual one, because he's the one who would leave a bit early so he can arrive on time, his hands in his trouser pockets, pacing up and down, unnerving the people around him...  
He's so in love with him.


	3. 2009 - at first sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to take part in the Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange! \o/ After this fic, I thought I'd stop writing in English again but well, I couldn't let go of Dan and Phil and it would feel strange to write about them in German. So here I go again :D
> 
> Hope to meet you guys there, too!

Damn, he's tall.

Dan didn't actually expect to spot Phil so quickly. As the train entered Manchester Piccadilly, he got up, picked up his bag... And when he glanced out of the window, not even on purpose, just a quick glance, he saw Phil. The pitch-black hair, the plaid shirt - he didn't need more details to know he found the right guy.  
Fuck, he's quite grateful he didn't trip. No, he managed to get up without breaking his legs, without dropping his bag...

He doesn't get to leave the train yet, though. The doors are still closed, he has taken his spot in the queue of people waiting to get outside. Time to look outside again.  
Phil is still there and now, Dan can actually take in what he just realized.

He's tall. There's a family next to him and he - yes, he towers over them. There aren't many people on the platform that are taller than him (which might be another reason Dan spotted him at once).  
Nothing new. Not exactly new, at least; after all, it was quite obvious Phil wasn't small. They never talked about it, though, and Dan didn't spend too much thought on it. He didn't consider Phil a small person, but realizing they're roughly the same size...  
He really likes it. One problem with many of his former crushes was that they were smaller than him. It felt so strange towering over them but being the awkward one... The tall one was supposed to be the strong one, the protective one. But damn, he just wanted someone to hold him and that's weird when you're that much taller.  
(He can protect Phil, that's absolutely no problem. But Phil would protect him, too. And knowing he won't have to look down at him... Fuck, is there anything about Phil that doesn't fit? He knows how to check all of Dan's boxes.)

Enough staring. Dan gets out his phone and starts typing a message.

'Found you.'

It's so weird watching Phil looking for his phone at once, reading his text... It's the part he always missed. They texted a lot but he couldn't see Phil then. (Their Skype calls are an exception. It isn't exactly texting.)  
Then he lifts his head and looks at the train again. Dan watches him scanning the windows, until -

Their eyes meet, Phil's face lights up. And Dan's stomach...  
Damn, he's so in love. There's no space left for doubts, for worries, right now he just feels... In love. Jittery, overwhelmed, in love.  
Phil is here. He wants to be with him. As easy as pie.

Something hits him at the back of the leg, interrupting his gaze, their eye contact. As he focuses on what's happening inside of the train he realized the queue moved forward a bit. The businessman behind him did so, too, apparently - it was his suitcase that hit him.  
Dan rolls his eyes and takes a step forward. It's still possible to see Phil and Phil is still looking at him... This moment doesn't last long, though. The queue moves faster now; soon, he's behind a wall.  
Doesn't matter. Just a few seconds, then he'll get out of the train.  
Just a few seconds, then he'll be right in front of Phil.

~*~*~


	4. 2019 - at first sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to finish my story for the Fic Exchange! \o/ It got a bit longer than expected, whoops.... And still, I'm not done writing about Dan and Phil. :D Today, I came up with an AU plot that I like a lot, let's see if this will be my next project... :D

**2019**

Damn, he's tall.

It isn't something Dan notices everyday. He actually got used to it. But every now and then, there's this moment of realization. Sometimes, it happens when they haven't seen each other for a while; sometimes he just sees Phil standing next to somebody else.  
Phil is tall. Still a bit smaller than him, but Dan doesn't notice that most of the time. The tiny bit doesn't make Phil look up at him.

And even though he wouldn't have fallen out of love immediately if Phil was way smaller than him back in 2009, when they first met, when he first perceived Phil's size, he 's quite glad about their almost non-existent height difference. It's nice to have someone by your side who's roughly the same size, especially when you're surrounded by smaller people. Doesn't make him stand out that much, doesn't make him look like a giant who decided to visit his dwarf friends.  
Is this a metaphor for their relationship? Well, kind of, actually. Because with Phil, he doesn't feel like the odd one out. He isn't alone, there's another one of his kind – someone who knows what he's thinking, who shares his opinions (most of the time, at least...) and his interests.

Just as he predicted, Phil is waiting for him. As soon as Dan left the customs area, he could see him standing outside, next to a few other people who want to pick up someone who was in France, too, or in Oslo or in Berlin or... Honestly, Dan doesn't actually care about them. Right now, he only cares about Phil.

He still has that moment from ten years ago stuck in his head. When Phil picked him up for the first time ever (when he still didn't know there'd be so, so many more moments like this), when he first spotted him...  
It feels a bit like back then, to be honest. His heart is beating faster, he actually thinks about running towards Phil but decides against it because it would look super awkward, he can't take his eyes off Phil. It's not the same kind of tension, though. There's no need to feel insecure. He doesn't need to wonder about their relationship status anymore, he doesn't need to worry about whether they'll get along, he doesn't need to ask himself if he'll regret this meetup.  
He looks at Phil and he sees his boyfriend of ten years.

Still, he gets goosebumps. Still, he can't stop thinking about how good Phil looks. Of course, that's another thing that's changed – Phil isn't that tall student with the emo hair anymore, he grew up.  
He grew up... Sounds a bit negative, sounds like he turned into some conservative, boring guy. But that's not what Dan means. No, he likes the older version of Phil, he likes the man Phil became. The calmness he exudes in moments like this, when he's just leaning against a railing, with that damn smile on his face... Of course, he didn't lose his chaotic energy – even though life would be easier without it, Dan is quite glad Phil always kept this character trait. He just wouldn't be Phil without it.  
Phil found his place in life. And it really suits him.

Dan shifts the handle of his trunk from one hand to the other, he tries to speed up. No, he's still not up for running, especially not with his trunk trailing gaily behind him. But he wants to be with Phil. Even though they're already closer than they were just a few hours ago, it isn't enough. They were separated for long enough, now, he needs to finally be with his soulmate again.  
Just a few seconds.

~*~*~


	5. 2009 - so glad you're here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo I'm planning yet another dnp story right now \o/ It's an AU and I really like the story buuut there are so many other fics I need to finish first D: Well, I'll keep the idea in mind \o/

**2009**

Finally, it's Dan's turn to walk down the steps of the train. But instead of watching his step, he scans the crowd on the platform.  
Where's Phil? He isn't where Dan saw him before, when he was still inside the train. Did he just leave? Was he just an illusion? Okay, Dan doesn't really believe Phil went to the train station just to wave at him on the train, he also doesn't really believe he just imagined seeing Phil. Nevertheless, he gets a bit anxious, nevertheless, he wants to find Phil as soon as possible.  
The last step. He lifts his head, finally able to look around him. There, a flicker of green, just like Phil's shirt. Then -

Something hits him. No, not 'something' – a body. Somebody. Arms wrap around him, he gets pulled towards -  
Towards Phil. It's Phil. The flicker of green – he was right about it, it was actually Phil. Apparently he waited for him next to the door.  
Dan doesn't even have to consider what he's doing. As soon as he realizes it's Phil who attacked him just like that, he turns towards him, his arms move around Phil, he -

They hug. And it's not just a regular hug, the kind of hug you'd expect for a greeting. No, they hold each other so close, it's almost difficult to catch his breath.  
Slowly, Dan is able to process what's happening right now.

Phil.  
Phil is so close to him, so – Dan actually spent some time thinking of how to greet him. He considered an ironic handshake, and even though he hoped Phil would go for a hug instead... This isn't what he expected. He didn't expect to be taken by surprise, he didn't expect it to last for so long.  
But he won't complain. Because, fuck, he doesn't want to let go. He just wants to be in Phil's arms. And considering that Phil doesn't loosen his grip...  
It's still a Phil hug, though. Even though he didn't expect it, it fits Phil. So much energy, so much... affection?

Phil. There he is. Not just a face on a screen, not just some words for Dan to read, not just a voice coming from his speakers. Dan can feel him, Dan can smell him, Dan can see him. The pitch-black hair next to his face, the perfume he put on, his warmth, his body, his embrace...  
Apparently, they're blocking the path – Dan barely notices a faint complaint, then Phil moves, pulls him away a bit. He doesn't let go of him, though. Dan still presses his face against his shoulder and Phil lets him do so.  
Phil's hand stroking his back... The butterflies in his stomach are going crazy.

Wait. There's one more thing he needs to check.

Phil seems to feel the same way as him. Happy, incredibly happy, jittery. The look on his face when he spotted Dan on the train, his need to tackle Dan as soon as he left the train...  
Still, Dan needs to double-check. He moves away from Phil, just a tiny little bit, just that much that he can place his hand on Phil's chest. Their eyes meet; he sees confusion in Phil's eyes, then – comprehension. The smile on his face becomes even wider as he places his hand on top of Dan's.  
He can feel his heartbeat. And it tells him, what he already knew, what he already sensed.

Phil really is excited. Just like him.

Dan moves closer again; he closes his eyes for a second so he can listen to his inner voice.  
It's quiet. No more doubts, no more worries. When it came to Phil, he did everything right. Back when he decided to bug him until he answered him for the first time, until the moment a few hours ago when he got on the train to Manchester.  
This is the place where he belongs. Not specifically Manchester, though. In Phil's arms. So close to Phil he can feel every movement, every breath. He feels incredibly comfortable – far from the awkward first encounter he dreaded.

Phil takes them serious, too. Phil was just as anxious as he was. Their relationship matters just as much to Phil as it does to Dan. He doesn't even need to wait longer, he already found out what he wanted to learn on this trip.  
They belong together.

Then, he hears Phil's voice for the first time in real life. Close to his ear, just a whisper – it feels so intimate even though they are still surrounded by so many people.

“I'm so glad you're here.”

~*~*~


	6. 2019 - so glad you're here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! I hope you have a nice time!
> 
> Here it is, the final chapter. Thanks for joining Dan, Phil and me on our journey - I hope you liked it! ♥
> 
> If you're interested in reading more Phanfic from me - keep your eyes open, I wrote two stories for the Phandom Fic Fest and the author reveal will take place at the end of the year!

**2019**

Damn, he just can't wait any longer - he needs to be with Phil. Right now. Walking over to the exit, waiting until he can get out of the security area... It's taking way too long. (Especially because he still isn't up to running.)  
So, instead of taking a right turn to the exit, he keeps straight ahead. Straight towards Phil. (Maybe running wouldn't have been that bad. After all, his attempt to walk as fast as possible without running doesn't look that appealing, either.)  
Straight towards Phil. Until he's right in front of him, only the barrier left between them.

Dan takes just a short moment to look at Phil, to look him in the eyes - his gaze darts to his lips and fuck, he'd love to kiss him, right here, right now, but well, he can't. Not yet.  
There's one thing he can do, though. And he doesn't keep himself from doing it by looking at Phil just a bit longer.

He reaches over the barrier, wraps his arms around Phil.

It's not what Phil expected, obviously. He was already taken by surprise when Dan didn't walk towards the exit but towards him - Dan could see the confusion on his face as he got closer - and he expected the hug even less.  
Nevertheless, he hugs him. Pulls him even closer and as soon as Dan can rest his face against his shoulder, he doesn't care anymore.  
Damn, this is where he wants to be. Well, not exactly at some anonymous terminal - he'd prefer being alone with Phil, in their apartment, for example, but...  
Hugging Phil. In Phil's arms. That's just the best place to be - sorry, France, it was nice visiting you but you couldn't compete against Philip Michael Lester.

Again, Dan remembers the first time he met Phil - their first hug, to be specific. It's...  
Nothing's changed. He felt at home as soon as he felt Phil's body pressed against his and it's just the same right now.  
Of course, being with Phil has lost the sense of novelty. He... Yeah, he kind of got used to being close to him, it isn't something special, something he yearned for quite some time. (Well, he did - but he knew what to expect, he knew what he wished for. It was different back when he didn't know how it felt, being with Phil.) But the familiarity makes up for the loss of novelty. He may not experience this 'first time' anymore - instead, he knows what to look forward to. Small things, like Phil's habit of touching him all the time, even when they're not hugging anymore, but also the overall experience.

If he had the possibility to swap this familiarity against meeting Phil for the first time again... Dan doesn't know what he'd pick. Even though it's tempting to relive falling in love with his boyfriend yet another time, he doesn't want to refrain from being so well acquainted with him.

He doesn't need to find an answer to that question right now. Not only because there isn't a little fairy next to him, waiting for his decision - Phil interrupts his thoughts. He moves back his head, just a little bit, just enough so he can look at him and Dan barely manages to resist the urge to rest his forehead against Phil's.  
(Maybe they should let go of each other already. Hugging for so long, not being able to wait until he got out of the security area... They probably look like the couple they actually are – even without kissing, even without their foreheads touching.)  
(It feels strange that it's okay, though. They may have decided to still keep their relationship private but they're not hiding anymore. So they pass on too much PDA but they don't avoid looking like a couple at all. It's kind of an open secret anyway by now that they are in a relationship so it doesn't matter that much if someone sees them and correctly guesses their relationship status. And when it comes to their sexuality... That's what feels so strange. Not having to worry anymore because someone could find out he's gay – they're gay.)

There's a sparkle in Phil's eyes. He looks so happy. And even though that's one of his most distinctive character traits – he's Dan's personal sunshine, after all -, it's special. Because Dan can see how glad he is to see him again.  
(Well – same.)  
Then he begins to speak and damn, even this little thing - hearing Phil's voice again - makes him smile.  
Just Phil's voice, though. His words themselves are rather offensive.

"You must be so happy to come back to a tidy place. I don't want to imagine what your room looked like."

It's not that unpleasant, though. Even though he was quite sentimental up to right now, he can easily switch into banter mode. Phil wants to bicker? Well, no problem - he's properly equipped.  
(Also... Yeah. He missed that grin. Although he knows he needs to stop it as soon as possible by winning their little argument.)

"Our place is supposed to a tidy place? I don't even need to see it, I am one hundred percent sure there will be socks all over the floor. After all, you didn't have anybody with you who picked them up every now and then."

It's easy to come up with something like that on the spot. He doesn't mention that he kind of missed Phil's chaos, though. (Of course, he doesn't look at their life through rose-tinted glasses - Phil's messiness actually annoys him and just because he missed him doesn't mean it's okay but... It's a part of Phil, it's a part of their life. Not having somebody with him who left their socks on the floor all the time felt strange.)  
Phil giggles. It's a tiny little giggle and he tries to suppress it in order to keep up the banter but... It's there. And Dan heard it, Dan saw it.  
Naturally, he feels triumphant about it. After all, he was the one who got surprised by the sudden banter and he reacted quite well - it was Phil who showed the first sign of weakness with this giggle.  
But it's more than that. He likes making Phil laugh, he likes hearing Phil laugh. It's just what he needs after being apart from him for several days, after missing him so much.

Phil regains his control quickly, though. When he responds, he sounds just as serious as before. No more sign of a giggle. (What a pity.)

"Sure. I made sure to throw out some more before I left. Wanted to make sure you felt right at home."  
"Let me guess: You also ate my cereal."

Yet another aspect that shows him why it's so special to be reunited with Phil. So many little facts, so many little things only they know - talking to Phil is so easy, talking to Phil means talking to somebody who gets almost everything he says, be it little inside jokes, be it something that worries him. And even when he doesn't know what he's talking about - he still knows how to react. How to be there for him.  
Nevertheless, he's still able to keep up the banter. Being sentimental at the same time works just fine.

"Maybe. But I restocked. Because it was the responsible member of our household who was at home. If I were the one who went to France, our cupboards would probably be empty right now."

Well, he actually has a point there - Phil is actually better at keeping track of their food and what needs to be restocked. Doesn't mean he won the banter, though.

"I don't care about the cupboards in the kitchen. I'm more worried about every other closet in our apartment. They're probably all empty."

Again - a giggle. And at the same time, Phil pulls him closer yet another bit. Luckily, they never made the rule of using a poker face during their little arguments - it's so adorable, having Phil react that way. After all, he's still sharp as hell.

"Yeah, they are. That's another thing I wanted to tell you... I burned all your striped pullovers - all those stripes made me go crazy and I want to see you wearing something else instead for a change."

Something else... Well, if he had known that before... He'd still have picked the white sweater with the black stripes for today. Just to annoy the fuck out of Phil.  
(He isn't that annoyed, though. They had this conversation before and yes, Phil did pick at this kind of sweaters - but he made sure to let Dan know he still looked good in them. Just a little change would be nice, according to him...)  
Time to use the 'you're a bad boyfriend' card, apparently.

"You idiot, I showed you everything I bought. I didn't buy a pullover."  
"What a pity. Then we need to go shopping right now. Or you can just wear your merch. Or my merch."  
“Or nothing.”

Now he got him. Phil raises his eyebrows – of course you could say that's his attempt at showing scepticism because most of the time, he's still not able to raise just one eyebrow but his surprised expression tells a different story. And as soon as he fails to hide his grin, Dan knows they're on the same side now. (On his side. He won.)

“Yeah, that's the best thing you could do.”

Wow. Did Phil just agree he lost their argument? Of course, above all, his reply showed he's just as horny as Dan (not that surprising, they are like that almost every day and when you add the fact that they were apart for several days... Even Skype chats just can't replace being together) but he also agreed with him.  
Apparently, he doesn't want to keep on talking about that. He lowers his head onto Dan's shoulder – their hug is first priority again.

Then, there's Phil's voice just right next to his ear, just a murmur.

“I'm so glad you're here.”


End file.
